Spring 2019 Reflection

I think my favorite type of history project is not actually a project, its a way of testing/essay writing. In my Holocaust class this semester instead of out of class essays or projects, we had three tests that were each in class essays written as responses to the reading we had done for class. While leading up and preparing for those exams were stressful, getting to write about what I’ve learned in lectures and readings in a single class period and not have to worry about it outside of that was amazing for my anxiety. As for actual projects, I still think my Toypurina project from the fall is my favorite. At the time, I definitely did not enjoy the research aspect of it, looking back at it now, that project brought together research and a focus on historical women, something I did entirely on my own and for myself alone to be proud of. While fall semester I would frustratingly joke I knew the most about Toypurina in America at the time. While that is very likely untrue, feeling a high sense of worth in what you are learning and getting to take pride in my research, however frustrating the lack of sources may be, was something I thoroughly enjoyed. A project I enjoyed the most from this semester was from my Introduction to International Studies course where we took everything we’d learned throughout the semester about international politics, government, and different areas of importance, were put into groups, assigned a region of the world, and had to come up with a fake country. This included a way of governing, history, economic system, religion, culture, everything. That really tapped into my creative energy and I enjoyed working in a small group to talk about all aspects of globalization and international studies.

I do not really think my artifacts point to a potential History Pathway. My Fall 2018 artifact points in the direction of research and Spring 2019 was an experience so I do not know what direction that would point to in terms of History Pathway. As I expressed last semester, I think my history Pathway is Public History. I can 100% see myself working in a museum, giving tours, curating exhibits, and using my creativity and eye for detail and consistency to create but also indulge myself into a more focused area of history. 

Most of my classes this semester were either history courses or intersected with my love for history. I took Promised Lands (a history course), the Holocaust (a history course), Introduction to International Studies (which touched on history and its important role in understanding the globalization of the world and understanding all sides of history to gain perspective), and Women in Literature (which had some texts that were in a historical time period). My extracuricculars do not really focus on history, which has helped me become more well-rounded and realize it is ok to explore other interests and passions aside from history.

Even though this was a messy and hard semester in all aspects of both words, I still think I had a very successful semester. I have really developed as a person, expanding on what I value and my comprehension of history and the world. There is also a certain amount of confidence I gained in knowing who I am, knowing that I will not agree with everyone and not everyone will like me, and that that is ok. Studying two different areas of history and taking my first international studies course really helped me narrow down what I want to focus on, study, and do with my life which is something I am proud of. While a lot of my successes are personal and general, so much of my life I feel I have focused on the smallest details or things that are no so irrelevant, to have bigger and general things like learning who I am as a person, a near self-actualization has been huge for me. To put my strengths/successes in a simpler list, this semester I am proud of: really understanding and growing from the courses I took, having moments of self-actualizing in learning who I am as a person, and finally being happy and confident in the person I have become. 

My mental health took a hard hit halfway through the semester. I got so anxious about school and work that there were some days I could not even get out of bed. Who I am as a person and my background is not weak, but sometimes my mental health takes a hit and impacts my present day situations. Some of that is also attributed to not having the best time management skills. Both my mental health and time management were something I really struggled with, and would have been solved if I had more openly communicated. Communication skills get kind of wrapped in to create a messy trio of problems that cause even more anxiety and stress. It is hard to write about and even harder to explain why I am this way because in all honesty I do not even know the full extent of it. That is why over the summer I am going to try and find a therapist to sort through some issues I have had and my long term anxiety. I think refreshing over the summer and then studying abroad in the fall will be the perfect restart I need to come back to campus in Spring 2020. 

Fall 2018 Reflection

I have not had a lot of experience with history projects thus far, but reflecting on the projects I have done cumulatively, creating this poster and doing a group book/teaching project have been among my favorites. Doing individual research and presenting on the same topic in front of a class with a PowerPoint then transferring over to presenting in front of people walking by with a poster helped solidify my knowledge and understanding of the project while also giving me some artistic freedom. With the book project that including teaching the class for half of a class period, having a group to split up the work and discuss our understandings on how all of our parts worked together made a project on Body Positivity that much more enjoyable. Comparing the two very different project types now, the multiform and furtherance of understanding, development, and confidence in deliverance is a common factor in both of these projects.

While research on Toypurina didn’t give me a clear and direct path, I know that I’m heading towards the pathway of public history. Doing research and presenting on that topic through oral presentations and using creativity in how I present that research seems to blend well into what I’ve been doing already in all classes possible.

Three strengths of mine this past semester when looking at who I’ve become with just a semester at Illinois Wesleyan under my belt I’ve become more outgoing, participatory in class, and controlling my own life and goals with this new sense of freedom. In high school I was super self-deprecating about speaking up in class as if my thoughts wouldn’t amount or contribute to anything; I also thought I was an introvert because all of my friends were which just generally made me unhappy, shutting myself away from people, when I actually thrive talking to people and feeding off other people’s energy. In college I’ve participated more in class, validated my thoughts, and moved on to surrounding myself with people who boost me up, overall impacting and helping my happiness levels and course work. In high school I also did what was expected of me because of “practicality” going into the real world and job market, but with Illinois Wesleyan I have been able to pursue majors and educations that I love while still having big dreams and expectations for myself (which is easily seen in my history secondary ed beginning to my current history, international studies majors with a minor in women’s and gender studies because I can, want to, and am passionate about all of those subjects!)

Three weaknesses of mine from this past semester were definitely time management, self-care, and standing up for myself. As a part of my identity I have always offered myself and abilities to other people or organizations before I assess what I need to be doing; I can hardly say no to taking on extra work or helping out other people. Last semester I felt very thinly spread and I’m slightly afraid I did it again this semester; I got too involved in too many things too quickly which is definitely connected to my other two weaknesses and failures from last semester. I was doing too much all at once that keeping organized and on top of my assignments and stability as a human slipped away from me. My priorities were askew making everything more complicated as time went on. I distract easily which was also no help to my time -management. Time-management and self-care went so poorly that last semester during finals week I stayed awake for three days straight with a total of eight hours of sleep split among them, not to mention the other nights of no sleep throughout the semester to get all of my work done; another weakness of mine is simply having high expectations and aiming for perfection, not easing up on myself until my procrastinating self is satisfied with the work I’ve done. This semester I’ve been working towards all of these previous weaknesses in organizing myself in an agenda and multiple online calendars, keeping a notebook for to do lists and random thoughts of tasks that need to be accomplished instead of wasting time stressing over what I need to be stressed about, setting a bed time for myself (but still trying to wake up early from a late bedtime to finish and perfect everything), and being better at not committing to too much, being a little selfish in meeting my needs before meeting someone else’s.