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First-Years’ First Days

August 24, 2012 by Tommy Titan

Hey Tommy…

Got any tips for the first-years on their first day of class next week?

Love your column!

Excited Tol

Dear Tol,

Of course I have advice for them. What a stupid question. My advice is simple: sit in the front row, as close to the professor as possible. Get there early. Stand up and introduce yourself to your professor immediately when they walk in the door. Shake their hand. Make an impression. It could help your grade, but more importantly, everyone will respectdespise you.

There was this one kid, Vance Legstrong, who I took The Science of Six-Packs with back in ’75. A real overachiever/know-it-all. Not many friends. But he introduced himself to the professor right away when she walked in on the first day of class and we all immediately saw him as the guy who would undoubtedly be setting the curve for the entire semester. As much as we despised him as a human being, the instant Dr. Doapine announced a group project, we all ran over to Vance’s desk to ask to be his partner.

So that’s my advice: be the annoying kid, the teacher’s pet. Everybody will hate you, but you’ll be a hot commodity on group project day.

BTW: Vance, if you read this, thanks again for choosing me. Also, your laundry will be ready at 3:00.

–TOMMY


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