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Titanientation Events

August 17, 2012 by Tommy Titan

Dear Tommy,

I’m going to be a freshman this year. I’ve been looking at the schedule for orientation next week and it looks pretty full. If I can’t drag myself out of my room for every event, what are your top recommendations?


Planning To Be Lazy

Dear Be,

I would never condone skipping out on anything. Turning Titan is an integral part of your college experience. If you miss even a single event, I will never truly consider you a Titan. I won’t pose for pictures with you at football games or answer any more of your incessant questions. Basically, you’ll be dead to me. So go to everything. But if you want some advice of what to mentally prepare for, here are a couple of my favorites.

Hands down, the best event of the week is the hypnotist, Frederick Winters (Thursday night). I say “hands down” because I recommend that if you’re a sane human being and you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of 500 people you’ve known for less than a week, you should keep your hand down when he asks for volunteers. Seriously, though, this guy has performed at Turning Titan every year since, like, 1850. This show isĀ always a must-see.

One of my other favorites is Real World 101 (Friday evening). It touches on some touchy topics, but it’s always funny and engaging. I’ve personally gone to this show three times and, unless they’ve gotten rid of my favorite segment, I’d like to recommend that you sit next to your roommate so you can make sure she’s paying attention when they demonstrate the problem with the combination toothbrush/vibrator.

And you think I’m kidding.


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