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July, 2012

  1. Summer Jitters

    July 12, 2012 by Tommy Titan

    Tommy,

    I am getting a little anxious about coming to campus. Summer is quickly coming to an end and my thoughts have turned to school again. What if all my professors make me sing my homework to them in front of everyone? What if my new roommate does experiments on me while I sleep? What if my mom shows up with cookies during my first class? What if all of my clothes turn invisible during my first speech?

    Sleepless Hair Twister

    Dear Hair,

    I’m pretty sure your professors won’t make you sing your homework in class. Unless you’re going to be a music major. Or if you’re taking a class from Dr. Liffiton; you never know what kind of crazy/awesome/maniacal idea he’ll have on any given day. Not that he ever had me rewrite my Python script in the form of a limerick or anything… But if he did, it was the most fun I ever had taking an exam.

    See, the thing is, the kinds of things you’re worried about are the wrong things to be worried about. More importantly, what are you going to wear on move-in day? ‘Cause I have it on good authority that they’ll take a picture of you right away when you get here and it’ll haunt you like the stench of your roommate’s pet muskox ’til the day you graduate. (NOTE: Don’t rat out your roommate for having a pet muskox. He will get MAD. And you do NOT want to know what an angry former muskox owner will do to your fridge when you’re in class the next day.)

    Feeling better? Good. Glad I could help.

    –TOMMY