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May, 2012

  1. Cave-mate

    May 14, 2012 by Tommy Titan

    Tommy,

    I am trying to decide on whether or not to request a new roommate for next year. Our current situation has degraded so much that all we basically do is greet each other with some grunts and clicks and then try to annoy each other enough until one of us flees the building. Should I make a move or could I do worse?

    I Deserve Better

    Dear Better,

    You do realize that you kind of had to make that decision back in March, right? Not to say that ORL is full of people who hate students and won’t let them change their minds three months before move-in, but it can be kind of a pain for them to deal with stuff like this. If you want to change rooms, you might just be the first domino to fall in a series of room changes that unravels the fabric of the universe. So be really sure you want to do it before you make a formal request. Or just ask your RA or RD for advice first, ’cause they’re horrible people who decided to work in student affairs because they hate helping students with their life choices.

    As far as other potential roommates go, it can be better or much, much worse. If your current roommate doesn’t smell like he bathed in the onion rings Saga hasn’t served in two weeks, you’re better off than I was with my first-year roommate. Sophomore year was a little better, when I was living with the guy who later invented The Clapper, except for the time we went to a concert together and he acted like he was having a seizure after every song. Then there’s the guy who put Band-Aids over my eyes while I was asleep and took pictures of me. True story.

    The real question here is what happened to make the situation so bad, so fast. Did your roommate fall in lust with a cavewoman or was it you who recently contracted a case of two-year-old-itis? Obviously, if you’re the problem, finding a new roommate won’t really fix anything for you.

    –TOMMY