Can you help me find a girlfriend? I’ve struck out on campus. It’s been both humiliating and something I may never recover from. I also tried eHarmony and had about as much success as Lloyd Christmas’ bathroom encounter with Sea Bass in Dumb & Dumber.
I make Girls Hurl
Have you ever considered that you may just not be that appealing to women? Nah, can’t be that; you’re a TITAN.
Come to think of it, Valentino never had me sign a picture of my sixteen-pack abs. Two ideas:
- Find a copy of that picture and make a T-shirt out of it. Be careful, though; only wear it in front of a woman you want to be yours forever. Those abs had more power over women (and gay men) than Cupid’s arrow.
- Figure out who Valentino was. Assuming he gave his girlfriend a sweatshirt for Valentine’s Day, there’s probably a great girl on the market.