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Bladduation

April 20, 2012 by Tommy Titan

Tommy,

I watched a friend of mine graduate from IWU last year and thought the ceremony was VERY long! I will have my parents and grandparents in attendance this year to watch me get my diploma. I am a little worried at how long the ceremony lasts because my grandparents are so old. Is there anything that can be done to speed up the commencement process?

My Grandpa Needs to Pee

Dear Pee,

First off, a dumb question: have you thought about staging a fake ceremony? If your grandpa is anything like mine, all you’d have to do is gather a few of your friends, grab your mortarboards, and have someone stand behind a podium and shout all of your names. Easy, shmeasy.

Assuming that’s not going to work, there’s a little-known secret option for people who don’t feel like sitting on the quad for hours on end. Through the magic of the interwebs, the ITS department will be streaming video of the ceremony online. For grandparents with bad vision, weak bladders, and no computer skillz, they’ll even be putting the video right on the recently-giganticized Hansen screen. And, again, if your grandparents are anything like mine, they won’t even notice the difference.

–TOMMY


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