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March, 2012

  1. Gas-Free

    March 16, 2012 by Tommy Titan


    Could you wire me some money? I am currently in California and can’t afford gas to make it back to Illinois. Have I told you before that I love mascots? Help!!


    Dear Send$$$,

    I gotta say – with a name like yours, you should be asking Ke$ha for money. My guess is that she’ll know just what to do; isn’t she the one who said:

    Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
    Grab my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit this freeway
    Before I leave, fill my tank with a gallon of gas
    ‘Cause when I leave for my school, I ain’t gettin’ there
    I’m talkin’ creditor on my toes, toes

    If the Ke$ha plan doesn’t work out for you, there’s another way to get back from California, but your feet probably won’t like it very much. See you in a few months!


  2. Spring Break Ideas

    March 2, 2012 by Tommy Titan


    I am trying to figure out where to go on Spring Break. I have several options, but they are all places I have gone before and they are not cheap. Where can I go that would be unique, quick, cheap, and would make me smile?

    Break My Boredom

    Dear Boredom,

    You’ve made the right decision, asking me. I spent all of my spring breaks sleeping at my parents’ house. It wasn’t easy, though, since they turned my bedroom into a workout gym during my first semester away. For some reason, whenever I woke up my abs felt like they were on fire.

    If you’re looking for something cheap that doesn’t involve your parents, you could visit your friends’ parents. Or your grandparents. No guarantees, but there’s a good chance they won’t throw you to the curb before the week is up.