I can’t decide on what to get my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. What would any girl want, yet nobody has ever thought of?
It’s clear you’re a true romantic, asking your school’s mascot for gift ideas. I would recommend a mug with an ugly mug, but it’s already sold out. If you want something truly original, you could go with a green and pink sweatshirt from the best store on the planet.
Or, even better, scour the interwebs for a picture of me working the night job that put me through grad school and I’ll personally autograph it for her. You might not believe it, but I had even better muscle definition back then than I do now. My abs even made it into the Guinness book of world records as the only known sixTEEN-pack. What girl wouldn’t want to see that?