RSS Feed

February, 2012

  1. No Midterms?!?

    February 27, 2012 by Tommy Titan

    Tommy,

    I am so upset! None of my professors are giving mid-term exams. I came here so I could be tested to my fullest potential. What can I do to really test my large brain?

    Brains ‘n Beauty

    Dear Brains,

    First things first: NERD ALERT! Second things second: mid-term exams aren’t the only way to put your brainiac skillz to the test. The best professors will always spring a 50-page paper on you right before spring break, so don’t worry if you don’t see an in-class exam coming up in the next couple of weeks.

    If your professors still aren’t giving you enough maniacal midterm migrains, there are a few self-help options out there on the web. One of my favorite ways to cure the lack-of-a-midterm blues is the Impossible Quiz. For geography buffs, there’s 50 States. For the serious and well-rounded, there’s the Mensa Workout.

    And then, of course, there’s this little gem for the overachiever who reminds the professor about the thing the rest of the class was hoping s/he’d forget. You’re welcome.

    –TOMMY


  2. Valentine’s Day Gifts

    February 10, 2012 by Tommy Titan

    Tommy,

    I can’t decide on what to get my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. What would any girl want, yet nobody has ever thought of?

    Valentino

    Dear Valentino,

    It’s clear you’re a true romantic, asking your school’s mascot for gift ideas. I would recommend a mug with an ugly mug, but it’s already sold out. If you want something truly original, you could go with a green and pink sweatshirt from the best store on the planet.

    Or, even better, scour the interwebs for a picture of me working the night job that put me through grad school and I’ll personally autograph it for her. You might not believe it, but I had even better muscle definition back then than I do now. My abs even made it into the Guinness book of world records as the only known sixTEEN-pack. What girl wouldn’t want to see that?

    –Tommy