RSS Feed

October, 2011

  1. Squirrel Quarrel?

    October 28, 2011 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    I recently found a squirrel skull on campus. Does this mean that our quad squirrels are not immortals sent from an alien world?  I was hoping they were because their furry smiles always make my day.

    Squirrel Lover

    Dear Squirrel Lover,

    Your discovery must mean one of two things: 1) as difficult as it might be to accept, our quad squirrels are indeed mortal; or 2) they planted the aforementioned skull to make you think they are mortal—so that they may continue on with their mysterious and insidious plans while we are none the wiser.  I have no idea what those plans might entail, but I happen to know someone who would.  It is not in my nature to defer questions to higher authorities (after all, there are so few), but in this case I suggest you pose this question to IWU Quad Squirrel.  He is both furry and wise.  He’ll have your answer.  Godspeed.


  2. Watch this, Mommy!

    October 4, 2011 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    Is it true that my parents may be able to watch me play football this semester on live streaming video?  They live a little north of Chicago and don’t always make it down for all the games, but they do want to follow the team.  It would be great if this rumor were true!

    Northshore Titan

    Dear Northshore,

    Like most rumors, this one is true.  The University has recently partnered with a company called Stretch Internet to stream live events throughout the school year. Stretch will allow us to stream academic, cultural and fine arts events, as well as select sporting events.  We have already streamed a couple home games for football this fall, and the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive.  Interested parties need only click here to find what they’re looking for.

    This new capability of ours is perfect for parents like yours—parents who don’t love their child enough to drive a few hours but just might take the time to turn on the computer.