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September, 2010

  1. Payroll Rolling Away

    September 30, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    Why are there no payroll jobs this year?  The only one (that WAS) available was Sodexo catering.  Usually there are more payroll positions available.  Where’d they all go?

    –IMPOVERISHED

    Dear IMPOVERISHED,

    Prior to 2008, the University had enough student jobs that those who were offered a job in a financial aid proposal were almost always able to find available positions into the third week of school.  For the last two years, however, there have been few openings after the first week of classes.  Because of what has happened with the economy, more students are qualifying for need-based jobs and fewer students are declining the offers.  In order to better serve students who have been offered student employment, the powers that be have tried to convert many payroll positions to need-based positions.  If departments are unable to fill openings with students who have been offered an employment opportunity, they can appeal to hire students on a payroll basis—but there is a concerted effort to hire students with jobs in their financial aid proposal.

    And while fewer jobs are available than in past years, there are still positions open on campus.  Click on the My Resources tab up above and check out the student job postings.  Some of the jobs are restricted to those who qualify for work as part of their financial aid proposal, but others are open to anyone with special skills.  If a job is still unfilled, it couldn’t hurt to at least inquire, right?  That is, if you have the requisite employable skills.  No, requisite.  It means…oh, never mind.  Good luck, IMPOVERISHED.

    –Tommy


  2. Firstmen? Freshyears?

    September 23, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    Why do we call freshmen “first year students?”

    –SECOND YEAR STUDENT

    Dear SECOND YEAR,

    This is a great question.  Apparently “freshman” has been deemed a derogatory term.  Just why that is, however, I’m not so sure.  Here’s what I’ve found…

    FRESH (adjective):

    • recently made, produced, or harvested
    • imparting vitality and energy
    • original and of a kind not seen before
    • not soured or preserved
    • clean; free from impurities
    • not yet used or soiled

     

    MAN (noun):

    • the generic use of the word to refer to any human being
    • homo: any living or extinct member of the family Hominidae characterized by superior intelligence, articulate speech, and erect carriage

     

    Frankly, this doesn’t sound so bad to me.  And it’s easier to say “freshmen” or “frosh” than to have to spit out “first year students” all the time.  And this may not seem like a big deal to you, but I have been a freshman several times in my life—just think of all the time I’ve saved over the years.  Of course I’ve just given it back writing on this topic…

    –Tommy


  3. No Impact Manscot

    September 16, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    Did you read No Impact Man along with the freshmen this year? If so, what did you think?

    –GREENIE

    Dear GREENIE,

    I did read No Impact Man, and I really enjoyed it. Not only do I think our effect on the environment is among the most critically important issues we face as a global society, I love the manner in which Colin Beavan structured his experiment. What better way to assess the American lifestyle than to ask whether what we do makes us happy? I mean, if we work longer hours than almost every other country in the world so that we can make more money so that we can buy more things—and those things aren’t even making us happy, what’s the point? If we determine that there is a better, more efficient path to happiness that also is less destructive to the environment, that sounds pretty good to me. I’m all for slowing things down a little. See you on the bike path, Greenie.

    –Tommy


  4. Beating Around the Beard

    September 9, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Son of Gaea and Uranus,

    I have noticed that the Math and Computer Science departments are home to two of the finest examples of facial hair on campus. So I have to ask: Does mathematic’s Dr. Stout have the best beard, or does Dr. Tiede sport better facial fur?

    –BEARD PHILOSOPHER

    Dear BEARD,

    I am indeed a Titan, but you have my lineage slightly confused.  No matter.

    Your question is a good one, and you have chosen two fine examples of facial hair from the many on campus.  On the one hand, Dr. Tiede has shown versatility in the beard department, going from clean shaven to finely kempt to rough and scraggly—and that is to be celebrated.  On the other hand, Dr. Stout has forever stayed true to a winning formula of beard, beard, and more beard.  I’ve seen his baby pictures, and our man has sported facial hair since before I was a gleam in my mother’s eye.

    So whose face is first and foremost?  I can’t choose between the two.  But if I had to vote for best beard on campus, it would have been the little number President Wilson worked on all summer, only to shave off once school was back in session.

    –Tommy


  5. Ask Tommy, Askers.

    September 3, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,

    First of all, you’re awesome.  Keep up the good work.  This column rocks.

    Secondly, there are like 2,100 students on this campus, right?  How come not one of them submitted a question this week?  What’s up with that?  Are they turning to mommy and daddy for guidance?  Do they think they already know everything?  Are they afraid of you?  Seriously, how come no writey-writey?

    –TOMMY

    Dear TOMMY,

    Thank you for your kind words.  I do what I can.  You left out how physically attractive I am, but I think we both know you know I know you know I’m a stud.

    As for the students, I’m not sure what to say.  I’d like to defend them because they’re all Titans, you know?  I’ve got love for all of them.  But I am disappointed.  Where are my people?  Tommy’s only as good as you allow me to be, friends.

    So this is a call to all of you who know how good a movie Mall Rats is.  This is a shout out to anyone who’s looking forward to hearing Colin Beavan next week.  This is an APB to those who were ecstatic that Modern Family beat out Glee for best comedy series.  This is a beacon in the night for those who know what a corn fritter from Schooner’s tastes like.  This is a plea for anyone who needs to know anything about anything to write me.  Tommy is here.  He knows.  He cares.  He’s bored.  Let me into your souls, my friends—and I will enlighten you, dazzle you, warm you, heal you.  But I need you to participate.  Feed me, Seymour.

    –Tommy