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April, 2010

  1. Hair – Where?

    April 15, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,
    I need to get my hair cut, but I don’t know which places are reputable in the area.  If you could direct me, then I would be very grateful.

    Dear SPLIT ENDS,

    I’m glad you asked this question.  You might be surprised to learn—seeing as I wear a helmet all day every day—what a stickler I am regarding quality hair care.  This will give me a real chance to be a resource to students.  Now, I am making a couple assumptions based on your question.  First, because you’ve called yourself SPLIT ENDS, I’m assuming you’re a female student.  Secondly, given the fact that you’re just getting around to asking about this at the end of the year, I’m assuming you’re the girl I’ve seen walking around campus with her hair tied around her waist to keep from tripping over it.

    Luckily for you, I have lived here long enough and am fetching enough to have had amorous relationships with a fair share of Bloomington-Normal women—and this has provided me a vast knowledge of the operating salons in the greater Bloomington-Normal area.

    From my perspective, you have four real choices:
    1) TM Hair Design
    2) Jenni’s Salon
    3) Fox & Hounds Day Spa
    4) Go on living like the Wolf Man, frightening children and crying yourself to sleep

    I trust you will make a sound decision, SPLIT ENDS.  And if you find my advice helpful, tell your friends to keep e-mailing me with questions.  I bore easily.


  2. Registration Frustration

    April 8, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,
    I always hate registering for classes because I’m afraid something isn’t going to work.  Is there a less stressful way to get classes?


    I understand that registering can make you anxious, but you have no idea how good you’ve got it.  Let me elaborate…

    When we first moved to the online registration system, it would crash with some regularity.  Students would log in only to get shut out, sometimes midway through getting their courses.  They would have to log back in and start all over—but that was only if they were able.  Often the system would be down for an hour or so before it could be revived, and this caused great panic across campus, as you can imagine.  Still, this was a step up from the previous system.

    Before online registration, students had to schedule an appointment with their advisor, have him or her sign off on the courses the student wanted to take, and then traipse back to the Registrar’s Office to stand in a line that wrapped around the outside of Holmes Hall for approval of those courses.  If the courses were closed by the time the student reached the front of the line, it was back to the drawing board.  Another appointment, another carbon copy of the course sheet, another line.

    Before that, the process was even worse.  Advisors had total veto power, and if they didn’t like the courses their advisee planned to take, they could simply change his or her major on the spot.  I once spent a semester abroad in Greenland studying glacial erosion only because my advisor thought English Literature was the wrong discipline for me.  And you don’t even want to know what class registration was like before that.  It involved bribery and an occasional animal sacrifice—real ugly stuff.

    Trust me, FRUSTRATED, you have it easy.  So get on your computer, make your choices, and then go see Hot Tub Time Machine.  Because it’s awesome.


  3. ChIWUcago

    April 1, 2010 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,
    I heard that IWU was going to open a satellite campus in Chicago because there are so many students from the area.  Is this true??


    What you’ve heard is indeed true.  President Wilson and the Board of Trustees have decided that opening a satellite campus near our most fertile recruiting ground only makes sense.  With most other CCIW schools being located closer to our largest pool of prospective students, the powers that be have pursued and secured available land in the Chicago area to increase our presence in the area.

    By 2015, students will have the option of attending Illinois Wesleyan-Bloomington or Illinois Wesleyan-Chicago.  The Bloomington campus will continue to enroll about 2,000 students and will remain totally undergraduate, while the Chicago campus will be home to nearly 15,000 students—and several graduate programs.

    This is certainly one of the most remarkable developments in our school’s history.  All I can say is mark down this date—April 1st, 2010.  What a day to be a Titan!