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December, 2009

  1. Michigan Mascot Mistake

    December 17, 2009 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,
    I’m from Michigan and I happened to notice that you bear a strong resemblance to Michigan State University’s spartan mascot. Are you guys distant cousins or something?
    –MICHIGANDER

    Dear MICHIGANDER,

    This is an astute observation on your part.  Sparty is indeed my second cousin on my mom’s side.  I can’t go anywhere without somebody confusing me for him, and I know he gets the same up in East Lansing.  Honestly, though, I don’t see THAT much of a resemblance.  I mean, sure, we’re both seven feet tall with Jay Leno-like chins, hulking biceps and small man-skirts, but I’m way better looking.

    If you run into him up north this holiday season, tell him my answer is “Team Edward.”  He’ll know what it means.  Thanks.

    –Tommy


  2. The Final Straw

    December 11, 2009 by Tommy Titan

    Dear Tommy,
    How were your finals?
    –BOOKWORM

    Dear BOOKWORM,

    They were a breeze, thanks for asking.  I am working on my 22nd degree here at IWU, and though the classes seem to be getting more rigorous with each passing year, my stress level continues to drop.  I remember those first couple of years fretting over tests and papers, staying up all night, consuming far too much coffee for any one mascot.  Now I let the anxiety roll right off my polyurethane shoulders and just go in and dominate my finals.  In fairness, my future is pretty well mapped out, so I don’t have some of the same worries that you guys do.  But hey, next semester, try doing what I do…turn on The Office, open a bag of Fritos, and go over your notes in a leisurely manner.  You may never actually get out of here, but that’s worked out pretty well for me…

    –Tommy