John

Seasons

It has been a long time since I posted to the blog.  We have a new season added to our year.  Remember that John measured the year by several seasons:  His birthday (Feb. 14) to through Russell’s birthday (August 23) which included Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Courtney’s birthday, our anniversary, my birthday, and Mary Ann’s birthday.  We might think of this as the season of cake and gifts.  The cake always managed to come his way, with a scoop of ice cream, and he loved giving gifts.  When he was little, he loved to give gifts that he would enjoy playing with, including a beautiful horse that he gave Courtney one year.  He couldn’t understand why Courtney put it where he couldn’t reach it; one of his first moral dilemmas.  Later, he loved to go and pick out a gift, especially for his mother, and he would unerringly find something that was perfect.  I mean, perfect without her knowing who picked it out.  One year it was pajamas, one year a cross on a chain, rings, watches.  I have no idea where he got these ideas, but he always knew what he wanted.  He and I shopped together just fine, since every minute I am in a store is one minute too many.

The second season began with the lamented return to school (“No school!”) and lasted past Halloween (“too scary!”).  John did Special Olympics during the fall, and adjusted slowly to a new grade level.  He helped do yard work, picking up sticks before mowing, and he loved using the leaf blower.  He would slip off when he felt he had done enough, and we would find him in his room watching Disney or a video.  He loved getting the dollar I gave him for helping with the sticks, and I really miss him now as I have to pick up sticks myself, which slows down mowing considerably.

The  third season began around the 1^st of November or whenever the first snow flakes could be seen in the air, and John celebrated because he knew that no more thunderstorms were likely.  This for him was the best season, as it included Thanksgiving (family and a great meal), Christmas (The Mother of all Holidays), Happy New Years, and then his birthday on February 14.  John kept all of these holidays with great joy and sincerity, and we could cheer him up whenever he was sad by talking about the upcoming parties, etc.  Around Nov. 1 I had to adjust my storytelling at bedtime to incorporate how John saved Christmas from a variety of bad guys, and this continued right through New Year’s Day.  John carefully counted the days before Christmas on an advent calendar, and he always had his Christmas list ready for anyone who asked.  Always three things, always described the same way, and heaven help Santa if all three weren’t there under the tree.  One year, one of the big three was a Grandma gift, waiting for him in Detroit, and he was almost despondent until we got up to Michigan and he found a Christmas miracle.  In later years, John disliked going to Michigan because he feared Santa wouldn’t figure out where he was.  And he couldn’t wait to get back home where he knew everything was right where he left it.

The new season stretches from February 14 until April 7 or a bit later, and it marks the very difficult time we now have between his birthday, the date of his accident (March 31) and the date of his death (April 7).  Sometimes in this period, the presence of John is so strong that I completely forget he has gone, and am profoundly shocked all over again when it hits me that I can’t hug or talk to him anymore.  This year, during this new season, I sat in our living room one day and had a hard time believing that John had ever been alive.  Of course the last one was especially troubling, and several people have offered several explanations for what might have gone on.  I don’t know which to believe, none of them, all of them?  I do know that this new season is filled with emotional extremes, and marked by the thoughts and prayers of several good and deep friends and family who remember.  That it occurs in the midst of spring semester is inconvenient at best, particularly this past semester when I taught an extra course for a colleague.  It has also been difficult to write in my blog.  Now I have several stories built up and will try to get them down and unblock the dam as soon as I can. 

Thanks to all of our friends who help us mark this new season, and thanks for all the new friends John continues to bring into our lives.